Jan 2, 2017
Hello, here’s another one of my monthly thoughts.
I haven’t posted anything in almost 3 months and I don’t know if anyone checks up on my blog but if you do, I’m here now. 2016 was unwanted. I can’t even remember what happened the last 3 months because December was already too much to handle.
I don’t know how else to word it than to say the last few months have taught me more about friendship and love than I have ever known. Actually, that’s a lie. 2013 was the worst. I learned from that year that life wouldn’t stop for me– that every now and then, things will strike up and hit me. My friends, on the other hand, were skating and still figuring out whether people feeling hurt in movies were reality or only happened in movies.
I’ve always said I’m a little bit of everything. I talk immensely a lot hahaha–seriously. I’m always always either asking questions or telling stories but I’m always listening to other people’s stories too. The art of conversation. I don’t care about what I wear. The only thing that matters is my Birkenstocks and the matching colors of my outfit. I am not Prada bags and I honestly don’t care if your suit cost you $300 or that you have a private jet. I write, I’m a Bali soul at heart. I photograph, I can’t do biology, and I swim when I’m sad. I want to be a flight attendant as soon as I graduate from uni, but only for a year… then I’m going to try to be an international school teacher but at one point quit and work at an embassy or the UN. I want to live in Amsterdam too, Dubai, and Kuala Lumpur. But reeaaally… all I want to do is become freelance wedding photographer (or an airline’s cultural photographer just so I get money to live by), and a writer… all based in Bali. I am a dreamer.
“When you’re talking to Arantxa and halfway through you realize she probably isn’t listening cuz she’s daydreaming #relatable” -H
“Arantxa isn’t Arantxa without wanting to travel the world” -S
“Rantxa God destined you to have an amazing life full of travels and meeting new people” -A
“When Arantxa is the only person excited we’re going to hike a mountain…” -A
“You are many things. And as life goes on, you’re probably going to grow to be many more things.” -A
“You are an amazing woman Arantxa, you’ll go far in life with someone who will cherish you…” -M
“… everyone needs an arantxa in their life” -A
I’m pretty much nothing (or everything) but a sucker for love and adventure. My little brother has the smart genes hahah. I’m a creative. I’m so right brain. My dad is left brain, my mum is right brain… it makes sense it’s like hey mum & dad, sorry I can’t get a 4.0 and will probably never get a scholarship to Oxford or be an engineer but I can design the interior of your new house and fill it with my pictures!
I want to keep this short but I just keep on rambling (I told you when I say I’m always dreaming) but I started 2017 in a way that hurt a lot. Right now, I am unhappy. I haven’t been myself for a few months. It’s not that I am sad, it’s just that I’m not happy… but right now, I just feel like I am swimming and lost. Everything just happened so unexpectedly. I lost people. I lost people on New Years, really important people in my life. That one person I haven’t really stopped writing about but that is okay. I’m not going to complain about how it should’ve never happened or who was right or wrong because I’m not one to decide and things were going to happen whether I liked it or not but whoever you are reading this; if ever things go bad in life, and I’m talking about loss, like losing someone or being betrayed, I want you to know it’s not worth wondering the ‘what ifs’. Things will always happen whether you like it or not and everything happens because they are meant to happen. Don’t beg people to stay. Don’t ever, in a million years, beg anyone, ANYONE, to stay. Let them go. Let them walk around. If they are yours, they will come back. I mean it. I used to go for days thinking of ways to keep people around, to hold on to things, until I realized that if they really want you, they will find you. It’s not about letting go because if you could, you would, but it’s about letting things be. Nothing is in your hands and what will be, will be, because what is to come will always, always, be better than what has gone by. Time will heal. It’s going to take a while getting over this but I trust God. When you lose you breathe, trust, let go, accept, and see what happens.
And if you ever come to read this, both of you, I’m not mad. I’m… sad. And (girl), I don’t hate you. It’s okay. And you, I don’t know what to say to you.
I don’t know how else to explain than to say I am Brooke Davis from One Tree Hill. I’ve never watched a character that portrayed me so much. You’ll never meet another Brooke. Brooke is the life of the party, she is many things, but Brooke is filled with angst. Brooke won’t tell you though, except you will know because she is Brooke. You know Brooke. She is a person of nostalgia. You know that she is always thinking of you. You also know that if you called Brooke, she will pick up, but you won’t, but you will always watch her from afar. She’s Brooke.
My whole love life is Brooke Davis’. And I don’t know if that’s a sad thing but I do know that with time, love will store again.